After trying for a baby for what seemed like forever, in 2018 we turned to IVF. I began the weeks of injections and drugs with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. I knew statistically it was unlikely to work first time, and yet I couldn’t help but hope.
The IVF process is a rollercoaster of emotions – going back to the clinic daily or every other day to have bloods and track the progress of my growing follicles. Then when they were big enough, I was sedated and had them removed; whilst James deposited his sample.
5 days later, only 1 embryo was good enough to be transferred back inside me, so off we went to the clinic, trying to remain hopeful that this embryo would become our future baby.
9 days later, I saw my very first positive pregnancy test.
The pregnancy itself I found very difficult. I had expected that I would be glowing, but instead I was anxious and nauseous.
When I was 21 weeks pregnant, I was admitted to the antenatal ward where I work; as I had begun bleeding. The next day I went into spontaneous labour, and our tiny, beautiful sons were born. Cecil & Wilfred lived for about 90 minutes, and died surrounded by love with myself, James and my Mum all holding them tight.
A few weeks later I was again admitted to hospital, as I began bleeding heavily and it transpired that a piece of placenta remained inside me. I sat it a communal waiting area, sobbing whilst waiting the surgery to remove it.
My empty arms fuelled my desperation to start IVF again as soon as possible but we hit another hurdle. In a routine scan it was discovered that my cervix was incredibly short, and unlikely to hold another pregnancy. Weeks later, a colleague inserted a strong suture through my abdomen, around my cervix to protect any future babies.
At the end of 2019, we embarked on our 2nd round of IVF, which can only be described as a disaster. My follicles refused to grow, only 1 egg was collected, which failed to fertilise.
We have since changed fertility clinic and are gearing up for IVF rounds 3, 4 & 5, as we start our embryo banking journey.